"Its astounding, Time is fleeting, And nothing,
Will ever be the same."
So today was the last day of my life as a student, and coincidentally as a child. In one sense anyways. It was a rather funfilled day of writing final exams. Three finals down, two Provincials to go.
In a lot of ways it was like saying goodbye. Saying goodbye to friends that its not likely I'm going to be seeing often, if at all, in the future. Saying goodbye to teachers. Saying goodbye to certain people I am glad to never have to see again. But mostly it was saying goodbye to whatever remnants were left of my childhood. We are all moving on to "bigger and better things". Pfft.
At about 10 years old, maybe earlier, the question started; "So what do you want to be when you grow up?" I have always loathed that question. Now I am going to answer it the way I wish I could have answered it back then:
First: I don't know what I want to be. I have never known. When every other child would answer: an astronaut, a fireman, a veterinarian, a policeman, I would say I don't know. This was simply unacceptable. "But don't you want to be a vet? Like all the other girls?" they would say. In answer to that question; No, I don't. and I am not like all the other girls apparently, which might have something to do with it. So I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, when I was 6, 10, when I hit grade 8, or now. I still don't know. Maybe I'm just picky. Maybe I should become a novelist, a journalist, a carpenter like everyone seems to think I should. I have been told by about 6 of my teachers on entirely separate occasions over the years that I should become a journalist. But it really doesn't interest me in the least. I like writing, sometimes, when I'm interested by the topic. But deadlines were never my thing. Neither are deskjobs. I resolved years ago that if I ever ended up in a cubicle I was going to hang myself in it.
Second: I do not intend to grow up. I think my biggest fear is growing up. When I am fifty I am going to play videogames, watch disney movies, eat candy, and do whatever childish thing I please. Some may say I am clinging to childish things. I disagree. I am not clinging. I am not going to let society's view of what an "adult" should or should not be doing dictate who I become. Where is the fun in that. So again, No. I refuse to grow up. Doubt me if you will. But I will never ever do it. Peter Pan and I will stick by each other. And Britney of course. She doesn't intend to grow up either.
That is what I wish could have told them years ago. Back then however, I just thought I was weird... little did I know I was right. Some people in my graduating class are going off to pursue their childhood dreams, to become doctors, policemen, firemen. Others are off to newer pursuits, nuclear physicists, marine biologists, forensic specialists, etc. And I still don't know. I really just hope the answer will come to me one day. I might be relying too much on anticipated epiphanies.
But it is now over. Now it is expected that I run off to college, move out, get a job, fall in love, get married, procreate, none of which I intend to do any time soon, except for getting a job and moving out. That, and going to Vancouver in August for Pride Week. :) The rest of my life is pretty much up in the air. I am "leaving my options open", "doing my own thing" if you will.
So I am going to finish my exams. Get a job. Become president of my parents couch, until such a time, not long from now hopefully, as I can afford my own couch. And then wait for my epiphany, because looking for one hasn't really helped much.
So in short, I am terrified. Life is scary. I have no idea what lay ahead of me. No one cared to ask me if I was ready for real life, no one bothered to check whether I could handle it or not. I feel very very unprepared for real life.
Well I am going to go wake up Britney. She is all tuckered out from the big day and has therefore taken over my bed. Then we are going to eat dinner, and go "celebrate" this transition in our lives. Yipee.
In a lot of ways it was like saying goodbye. Saying goodbye to friends that its not likely I'm going to be seeing often, if at all, in the future. Saying goodbye to teachers. Saying goodbye to certain people I am glad to never have to see again. But mostly it was saying goodbye to whatever remnants were left of my childhood. We are all moving on to "bigger and better things". Pfft.
At about 10 years old, maybe earlier, the question started; "So what do you want to be when you grow up?" I have always loathed that question. Now I am going to answer it the way I wish I could have answered it back then:
First: I don't know what I want to be. I have never known. When every other child would answer: an astronaut, a fireman, a veterinarian, a policeman, I would say I don't know. This was simply unacceptable. "But don't you want to be a vet? Like all the other girls?" they would say. In answer to that question; No, I don't. and I am not like all the other girls apparently, which might have something to do with it. So I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, when I was 6, 10, when I hit grade 8, or now. I still don't know. Maybe I'm just picky. Maybe I should become a novelist, a journalist, a carpenter like everyone seems to think I should. I have been told by about 6 of my teachers on entirely separate occasions over the years that I should become a journalist. But it really doesn't interest me in the least. I like writing, sometimes, when I'm interested by the topic. But deadlines were never my thing. Neither are deskjobs. I resolved years ago that if I ever ended up in a cubicle I was going to hang myself in it.
Second: I do not intend to grow up. I think my biggest fear is growing up. When I am fifty I am going to play videogames, watch disney movies, eat candy, and do whatever childish thing I please. Some may say I am clinging to childish things. I disagree. I am not clinging. I am not going to let society's view of what an "adult" should or should not be doing dictate who I become. Where is the fun in that. So again, No. I refuse to grow up. Doubt me if you will. But I will never ever do it. Peter Pan and I will stick by each other. And Britney of course. She doesn't intend to grow up either.
That is what I wish could have told them years ago. Back then however, I just thought I was weird... little did I know I was right. Some people in my graduating class are going off to pursue their childhood dreams, to become doctors, policemen, firemen. Others are off to newer pursuits, nuclear physicists, marine biologists, forensic specialists, etc. And I still don't know. I really just hope the answer will come to me one day. I might be relying too much on anticipated epiphanies.
But it is now over. Now it is expected that I run off to college, move out, get a job, fall in love, get married, procreate, none of which I intend to do any time soon, except for getting a job and moving out. That, and going to Vancouver in August for Pride Week. :) The rest of my life is pretty much up in the air. I am "leaving my options open", "doing my own thing" if you will.
So I am going to finish my exams. Get a job. Become president of my parents couch, until such a time, not long from now hopefully, as I can afford my own couch. And then wait for my epiphany, because looking for one hasn't really helped much.
So in short, I am terrified. Life is scary. I have no idea what lay ahead of me. No one cared to ask me if I was ready for real life, no one bothered to check whether I could handle it or not. I feel very very unprepared for real life.
Well I am going to go wake up Britney. She is all tuckered out from the big day and has therefore taken over my bed. Then we are going to eat dinner, and go "celebrate" this transition in our lives. Yipee.
"And crawling on the planet's face, Some insects called the human race, Lost in time and lost in space, And meaning."
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